Surviving Grief During The Holidays
Hi friends! Happy Tuesday from my cozy Christmas family room to yours. I hope that you had a great Thanksgiving with your friends and family and are excited for the rest of the holiday season.
I know for me, this time of year is equal parts fun, exciting, exhausting and truthfully just really sad. Typically, we spend the holidays with my Grandparents and Uncle but since my Grandma passed away in 2020 it hasn’t been the same. There is a mellow, sad feel in most everything we do and travel for my Grandpa and Uncle gets a little trickier every year. This year Savannah is having surgery in December so we aren’t able to travel to see them like normal and well, I have been left holding joy and sorrow in my hands as we head into the holiday season.
And, I know I am not alone. In talking to many of you I know that grief and sadness go hand in hand with the holidays and I can imagine adding financial pressure in this economy only makes it worse so today, I thought I would share some things that I have done over the years to survive my grief.
Now I will say that I am not a grief expert, this is what I have learned through my own experience and I am sharing in hopes that it will help you get through the holidays as well. So here we go, let’s dive in.
Feel your feelings - Starting off probably not where you thought but, pushing down and ignoring our feelings only make them harder to navigate. It is okay to feel sad, angry and to be hurting. Process your feelings with a trusted friend, in your journal, by praying, etc. However you process them, just make sure you do. Name why you are feeling sad and honor those feelings, they are okay and normal to have.
Communicate - I know that when I am having a hard day I am most likely not going to be in a great mood. But, when I tell my family and friends I am struggling there is more grace for my mood and everyone gives me a little space to just be. Communication goes a long way in not hurting others while you are hurting because usually we don’t mean to.
Honor what you are missing - This looks different for everyone and depending on your stage of grief, looks different every season. I know for me the first 2 years I couldn’t even talk about what I was missing without bursting into tears and taking hours to recover. But, 3 almost 4 years into my grief journey I can talk about memories and traditions without losing myself in the process. It took me time and it’s okay if it takes you time too, honor those however feels best.
Give back - Focusing on helping others and doing so in memory of Grandma is something that brings me joy. She loved to help and give to others so I make sure to do this throughout the year but especially during the holidays. It can be as simple as holding the door for others, helping an elderly couple load their groceries, etc. It doesn’t have to cost money or a lot of time but helping others always puts a smile on my face as I know it did hers.
Rest - This is a big one for me because when I am overly tired and burnt out my emotions are all over the place and when I am struggling through my emotions with grief, that is just a recipe for nothing good. I make sure to get enough sleep and have enough down time during the season.
Just say no - The holiday season is full of things to say yes to but sometimes, it is best to say no. If you know something or someone will trigger you, make you more sad or honestly, you just need to conserve your energy, it is more than okay to say no. Feel empowered to make the best decision for you, you won’t regret it.
I think it is important to remember that grief isn’t just the loss of a person to death even though that is typically how grief is talked about. You can grieve the loss of a relationship, a job, a move, of hopes and dreams, etc. Grief is the process of mourning a loss no matter what it is. As we move into the thick of the holiday season my prayer for me, you and everyone is that we can be filled with grace and patience as we navigate ourselves and with each other!
