5 Things Helping Me Thru Mom Guilt
Mom guilt.
The dreaded words that flow together too well that it makes us believe even more that we are failing the amazing kids that God has entrusted to us.
The guilt that comes with fear, anxiety, a lot of questioning and a whole lot of doubt.
I don’t know that there has been a season in motherhood that I haven’t felt some sort of mom guilt but the current season that I am in definitely takes the cake. I feel it everyday, all day long and some days I feel like there is no end in sight on how that can change. I know that is just a lie straight from the enemy but feelings are real even when we know that the source of them isn’t the voice we should be listening to.
We are about 2 months into having the storefront (Rooted and Free Boutique) and it has been everything I hoped for and more! It truly has been such a dream come true and the response from the community has been amazing. We have had incredible sales, such amazing connections, hosted our first events bringing women together and I know that we are just getting started with everything God has in store for us.
But, I would be lying if I said that giving everything to the store have left my family receiving my leftover time and energy which is pretty nonexistent. We are starting to interview and hopefully will hire a team very soon but in the meantime, I am working 7 days a week and most days I feel like I just go through the motions of sports drop offs/pick ups, dinner, homework and then I miss everything when the kids are off school.
As a mom who hasn’t missed really anything over the years (true story, Paisley was born and when we were discharged on day 3 we went straight to Cam’s baseball game from the hospital…with a 3 day old newborn and a 2 year old toddler. I don’t know what I was thinking really but I just knew I didn’t want to miss Cam’s game). So now, I am feeling incredible guilt over not being there for all the little things and even missing some big things.
While I know the sacrifice is worth it in the long run, this short term sacrifice has about done me in and I have had to come up with ways to work through those feelings without spiraling. I wanted to share a handful of them with you today in case you find yourself in a similar situation today or in the future.
Talk about it. - My kids are all older enough to understand what is happening and why. They know that this isn’t forever. They know that I feel guilty over not being as present and I can talk to them about it. I know it’s easier the older the kids are but I encourage you at any age to just talk to your kids and let them know how you are feeling. It has helped me realize that I am putting more pressure on myself then they are and their perspective helps me extend grace to myself.
Find a support system. - Maybe it’s your own mom, a family member, your spouse, a friend. Maybe it is even your Pastor or Counselor. Whoever it is, having a support system to remind you of the truths over the lies is so important. This person should know you well and help you get out of the spiral that we can sometimes go down.
Create small moments together. - The thing that makes me have the most guilt is the feeling that I am not present enough. So even simple things like texting with my kids or doing a quick Facetime has helped a lot. They know I am thinking of them and interested in what they have going on. No need to overcomplicate it, just small moments — a handwritten note in their lunchbox, a text asking how their day is going, bringing them their favorite drinks, etc.
Include them (if/when you can). - My kids have been involved from the start of my business through online and pop ups and the store is no different. They all three helped me prep and plan for opening. They have worked in the store with me and for me on days I am stretched in 100 directions and I think having them be part of what I am doing helps them extend more grace towards me. And, it gives me fun times with them in store.
Don’t forget self care. - I know this one can feel hard because it may take you away from them more but, a healthy and happy mom means healthy and happy kids. I have a hair appointment on Friday after work and while a big part of me wants to cancel and just go home to the kids, I know doing something to take care of myself is going to help me not only battle the mom guilt but also give me more energy and confidence to care well for them.
Being a mom with big dreams is not easy and often times creates conflicting emotions but I wouldn’t trade it for the world and I feel so grateful that my kids are along for the ride with me! If you are experiencing mom guilt please know that I am praying for you and cheering you on! We got this Mama’s!
